Ok, confession time.
Last weekend, I was out at an event, and I noticed a girl dancing. Without much warning, my head went to a judgement place. I thought she was dancing rather ostentatiously in an effort to get everyone’s attention and eyes on her, and I thought to myself “how tacky and narcissistic!” I found myself annoyed, and I found myself making other judgments about this girl and the kind of person I thought she was.
Ok, there, I said it. I’m not proud of it. But, I am human and I succumb to the power of the ego just like everyone else.
But the whole experience got me to thinking. Why was I so quick to react? Why is it that judgment can feel like such a strong force that’s so hard to resist even when we “know better”?
And, more importantly, what am I missing by staying stuck in that judgmental place? How is it inhibiting my own well being and personal growth when I stay judgmental? And what’s a more healthy alternative for responding when I feel triggered by judgment?
Though I certainly have lots to learn on this topic myself, I humbly share with you some of the insights I’ve had from my recent self inquiry in hopes of promoting a more cohesive sense of sisterhood among all women on this planet. We’ve got enough to deal with without beating each other up with mean thoughts. So, let’s explore the alternative. Take a peak.
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So, there you have it. Overcoming any old pattern first starts with understanding what beliefs it’s rooted in.
Once you can see clearly that your judgment is not coming from a place of deep truth, but from some combination of limiting beliefs, you’re on your way to carving out a new path forward to discernment.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you’ve struggled with judgment.
Do you find yourself judgmental of other women? How have you tried overcoming these judgments in your experience?
Any advice and tips?
Big love sisters,
Amy
12 responses to “Your Judgments Are Holding You Back. Here’s How to Let Them Go”
I love your videos and blogs, Amy. Thank you!
Thank you Aoife! If you ever have ideas about future posts you’d like to see, please let me know. Love and blessings!!!
This is very timely to my AHA moment this morning. This morning I was reading an article and the editor stated that her choices were based on her awareness of our need as people to heal our global community. My next thoughts was – “Wow we women are amazing and we need to make peace and internalize this truth because we are the healers of the world.” I started crying at the beauty of this realization and anytime I tried to think and truly understand this big truth tears continue to pour. I laugh and cried a lot during my commute this morning. Part of the tears came from the pain I felt as I realized that for most of my life I thought there was something wrong with me for being a women. It hurt that I’ve spent all these years denying & acknowledging not only my greatness but that of all my sisters.
Thank you Amy for being vulnerable and allowing your “judgement” to bring you healing and integration.
It is my intention to welcome the healing along with the pain and joy that are part of healing.
Thank you for your post. I totally relate. I felt a lot of pain around the fact that I wasn’t celebrating me or my fellow sisters when I caught myself judging. Women are so magical, and yet, so many of us are taught to put ourselves down and each other. When we finally say “NO” to this, there is a bit of a grieving process involved when we realize all the years we adhered to the ways of playing small. Allow for the grieving and know when the last tear is shed, your sisters will be here to share in the new joy birthing in you! Big Big love sister! xo, Amy
Kudos Amy for having the vulnerability (strength) to share this shadow side of yourself in service to help others grow! This learned behavior is so engrained and often times celebrated in our society. Thanks for shedding light on the choice to come from a place of compassion instead of separation in our minds so we can all contribute better to the collective which ultimately effects us too. Peace and keep rockin it! Love you big!!!
Thanks Jules. I think this is one of the most detrimental behaviors we’ve been programmed to have as women, to tear each other down. It absolutely must stop if we are going to make real progress at having a world where peace and compassion can reign. I’m grateful to have an arena (this community) where other women are being receptive to the possibility of seeing this in themselves too. If we can talk about this and be ok with admitting our faults, we allow all of us to heal. Thank you for sharing and contributing your light to our tribe. Peace! xo
Amy, thank you for this lovely reminder. I am a vipassana meditator who has sat 4 10-day courses and 1 8-day course and each time I have been horrified at the negativity and judgment that has arisen in me and overwhelmed my mind! Here I was in a holy place, learning a practice intended to lead me to equanimity and joy and I was reliving old stories vacillating between judging others and judging myself. And each time the assistant teacher would answer my “why is this happening to me” question with “that is what you are bringing here to witness and release”. During my last sit, I tuned in to the teacher’s direction to smilingly return to objective observing instead of beating up on myself for failing to maintain equanimity with whatever arises. I finally got just how much negativity I release into the world through self hatred at being human, and arrogance in believing that I should be better than human (ie everyone I judge). So now, as best as I am able, when I find myself judging, I smilingly put my arm around myself, tell the scared little girl that everything is ok, return to observing either sensation or breath, and with compassion and equanimity, release one more story.
Sometimes I think I should just move to a meditation center and sit 10 hours a day, since it seems so much harder to achieve this level of awareness and response in my everyday life! So I really appreciate your suggestions for developing awareness and appropriate response in the moments of daily life. Just the reminder to move back into my body is a tremendous help! Thanks for catching my attention with your warrior woman facebook posts. I am grateful.
Thank you Diane for contributing to our community! I very much can relate to being in that meditation zone and being overwhelmed by the onslaught of thoughts and negativity that our mind can come up with. It is hard to face it head on. That’s why I think a lot of us just fall into these old patterns. We’ve long outgrown them, but their operating systems are still on our hard drive, so to speak. So, when we go on automatic pilot they sometimes kick in. As embarrassing as it can be to admit these faults, I have found a lot of liberation in sharing this with others. Blessing and love to you my friend! Come visit again soon! xo
Hi Amy!
Thank you for bringing up a topic that many of us are guilty of, but don’t want to talk about. I’ve caught myself automatically judging an individual based solely on rumors I’ve heard from other people. When I actually met this person, she was nothing at all like the person I thought she was. I was embarrassed at how quickly I made a judgement about this person without knowing the facts. It’s scary how easily negative judgements are made based on assumptions. Sadly, judgements never seem to reflect anything positive about an individual. As you mentioned, it’s a way to make ourselves feel better by putting the other person down.
Thank you for taking the time to write these informative blogs! I am so blessed to have you as my yoga teacher for the past few years! I feel emotionally and physically recharged every time I finish your class :).
Emi:Thank you for sharing and being part of the community! Yes, you’re right. Judgments tend to always be negative, don’t they? It’s like some silly Kool-Aid we all drank, and now we’re all wondering why. We judge others, and we judge ourselves. Both kinds of judgments seem to be manifestations of that inner critic, and if we’re really going to move beyond this, we have to be firm with ourselves about not giving into that negative voice inside. Bringing it out in the open like this allows us to move past the shame of it and into a real dialogue about how we can support each other on this vulnerable journey. Always a joy to have you in class, and as part of this community. Keep showing up and shining your bright self. Big love, Amy 🙂
Dear Amy,
Thank you for being so transparent with your inner process and showing up so fully. These types of personal examples are so valuable and it’s encouraging to know that we all struggle with these same things. I have noticed in my life that my shame of speaking these types of things publicly is actually what causes them to control me. Thank you for going beyond ego and fully surrendering to your own authentic inner truth with humility and grace.
Big love to you,
Glenda
Thank you Glenda. You are right. Talking about it helps take away the shame. Shame makes us think we need to hide ourselves like something is bad or wrong with us. When we talk about it, we realize we all have these experiences. Surrender is a good word to use here because when we accept this judgmental part of ourselves and fully acknowledge we have it, we are no longer fighting a battle with it. It no longer has power over us. It just becomes another part of us, one that we don’t have to listen to if we don’t want to. Thank you for sharing and being a part of our community Glenda. Big love, Amy